Description

Join your fellow Slackers for a day, or 15 minutes of triumph, self-awareness, a COSPLAY-worthy costume contest.

The 3rd Annual "I can't Bexar another 5k" 0.5k on October 21st, 2023, at 10:00am sharp (or close to it) starting at Burleson Yard Beer Garden and ending at Alamo Beer.

Hydrate yourselves with a free beer at Burleson Yard Beer Garden to prep for the grueling event. Yay!

We’ll finish at Alamo Beer. Now comes the celebration! You can take a whole bunch of selfies at our selfie “wall”, post them all over social media, even TikTok, and rub it in to your friends (if you even have any) that you’re a FINISHER!

We have not one, not two, but THREE convenient categories, so no excuse!

Regular Package. For a mere dollar a day for a month ($30), sign up for the “race”. Comes with all the swag, and the feeling of accomplishment.

VIP Package is for those that don't feel you can make it the full 543 yards. If you think you are too important to run (walk), for an additional only $15, you can ride to the finish line on the tailgate of a snappy Dodge 2500, you big spender, you! AND, you’ll get a special lanyard that sets you apart from everyone else. Only the best for you.

The Lazy package for you if you are simply too lazy to walk the 543 yards. Simply indicate that you are truly a Slacker and too lazy at the registration, and we’ll mail you the swag.

Lazy Participants will get the t-shirt, the pretentious sticker and a leather medal that doubles as a coaster – proof you “finished” the punishing “race” – mailed to you.

If you want a stylish, highly sought-after t-shirt on race you must register prior to September 22nd. Shirts will be available two-three weeks after registration, so you’ll need to pick them up then. We’ll let you know when your ship (shirt) comes in.

The flashy oval 0.5k sticker shows you dedication to training and endurance for all to see. So, brag a little. Stick it right on your front windshield so you can enjoy it too, along with the jealous glares of your fellow commuters as they meet you on the other lane.

T-shirts of course. This is why we really do it, anyway.

“Medals”. EVERYONE gets one, and it’ll be the coolest one you ever got. It doubles as a coaster, so when you entertain friends, you can passive-aggressively brag.

We will continue to have a rejuvenation station, first aid (not really-if you need it, it’s on you), and the smoking area at the halfway mark. We decided to have this due to the difficulty level of the “race” for your own safety.

There’s also the very competitive, popular vote individual and group costume contests with prizes. Dress up in anything fun or stupid. If you’re even considering this, you probably already have a costume in your secret closet.

Post- “race” celebration and victory party is at Alamo Beer, where they’re opening early just for us, and because they recognize the importance of hydration, another free beer. Yay! It’s Alamo Beer’s OKTOBERFEST celebration, and they’ll have the Tuba Meisters, Austin Polka Band, and the Hot Peppers for your musical entertainment. And porta-potties. Only the best for you.

You still get your free beer at both the start and finish. You may get only two free beers, but you can always my more of Alamo Beer’s special Oktoberfest beer, so please think about an Uber or DD.

Volunteers. Yeah, you. We need you. Simply sign up for it at the link that says “Volunteer”. You still get all the swag and can drive over the finish line. Only the best for you.

Military are eligible for volunteer credit, and high schooler eligible for Community Service. We’ll provide all that’s required for the credit.

ADDITIONAL IMPORTANT INFORMATION!

Greatness does best with company. In fact, just go ahead on and sign yourself up and your friends right now while you’re thinking about it. You can come back to this after. Or come by yourself…this is a judgement free zone. Believe me.

Having a team will build accountability while you set your training milestones before October 21st. If you want to be able to complete the exhausting 0.5K course, you’ll need to be in the best shape of your life. (OK, maybe not…but you’ll need to some kind of shape…round, square, pear, rhombus, dodecahedron…any shape will do.)

Here is an inspirational quote to motivate you glory-seeking 0.5K participants - “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” —Edward Bergen.

Oh, and “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.” —Dodgeball (2004). That has nothing to do with this, but it’s cool quote.

Make sure you like the people on your team. Actually, you don’t even need to like them. We just want you to bring them along so they can also experience the feeling of greatness.

Don’t forget to actually sign up. »

Stick to a Training Plan. How long is half of one kilometer? It’s roughly 700 steps for a normal-sized human.

Dedication. Determination. Domination. Those are the three D’s that take longer to say than it does to finish a 0.5K. Discipline is another word that starts with D, it’s not really a requirement for this “race”.

Music Sounds Like a Good Idea. Music is helpful for fitness, or so I’ve heard. Not much into this fitness thing, unless it’s “I can still fitness pants, so I don’t have to buy another size”. I can’t think of anything else to say at this point. Just go sign up for the race so you don’t forget about it. Seriously. Sign up. »

Oh yeah -try Stretching, maybe. My high school gym teacher said that stretching is good to do for fitness things. We think you should try it, but don’t go crazy. Only a couple of yawns re-race should do it. Why stretch? You’ll need to stay limber so that you can reach out your arm and grab your thanks-for-coming medal at the end of the race, and then reach out your other arm and grab your free beer.

We’ll have a T-shirt and swag bag there for you, too. But you won’t get any of this if you don’t sign up. »

Event details and schedule

10:00 or so: Start

10:10 or so: Finish